Some Serious Struggles and #Bloggyxmas Best Wishes

I don’t usually write much personal stuff here on the blog, preferring to be some kind of blogging superhero. Striking with rants from the shadows then slinking back to the bitch cave to plan another… Or something like that.

But, today is a little different. This little bloggy Xmas event has turned out rather special, with lots of fantastic posts about the community and the support it gives people. It is such an amazing thing to see it makes me feel truly special to be a part of and something I am quite thankful for. How thankful… Well…

While I am the ever optimist and jovial personality (except at 6am in the morning) this year has been a rather hard one for me and the hubby. As some may know a couple years back he hurt his arm at work and from then on has been in a weird limbo style zone of being out of work yet supported by work cover. It something that is paid but no where near the same amount. It is something but it has made this time a bit of a struggle financially. Yes we splurge occasionally, I used my tax money on the new computer but sometimes you need to do these kind of things to stay Sane. Now we are better off than many. We own our house which is great but it still places a lot of stress on you when your constantly watching your money and bills. It’s a lot of silly arguments that strain things far more than they should at times.

The other thing is of course me being kind of in charge of the house duties now. The one winged husband can only do a few things and so that’s me cooking and cleaning and all that other jujube that adults have to do. I hate it. It makes me so much more tired to have to do such things after coming home from a long day. You just want to relax sometimes but it’s not possible. I’ve also strained the tendons in my feet rather badly so it’s a lot of pain too.

The hubby has been rather needy as well, which is expected. He has been under a lot of stress with this too. Being hurt, money issues and plus almost being locked away at home for so long has had an affect on him. I try to support as well as I can but sometimes you just can’t. It’s too much. He needs it, he needs to be comforted and to talk but all I want to do is get in my little bubble and unwind. Relax a little and release whatever it is inside me and then I’m fine. I like my bubble but I just can’t that often any more. I’m far to empathetic at times as well and all of this tends to impart itself on me.

The other thing is my work situation at the moment. To say that I’m unhappy with it is an understated. Working in childcare is a rather stressful job, 12 toddlers to control and plan for but it is something you do because you enjoy it and the feelings of supporting these wonderful kids growth. I live for that and no other job I could do would ever compare. The place I’m at though is just falling apart and has had many issues that just haven’t been fixed for a while. Sparing the details, it is a place that makes me feel like it is neither supporting myself or the children and that is not a place I want to be. You can feel the morale drop too amongst the other staff and it kind of sucks the life out of you.

I had made plans a while ago to find a job in the new year but sticking it out has been trying. You do it for the kids mainly but yeh…  Kinda sucks.

All this has added up to a year of struggling with depression a little. That unending sadness inside you just can’t push away. That overwhelms you and poisons your thoughts. With the situation as stressful and as ongoing it’s something I haven’t been able to get away from that much either. I’m not having those kind of thoughts, not ever but it is still having that effect of sucking the regular joy you feel out of things.

Now I’m not saying all this to get sympathy or bring down the event.. Far from it. I write this now to say that thanks to blogging and the wonderful people in the community. The wonderful people making me think about a wide range of topics, that let me share in their life, that make me laugh constantly are a shining star over it all. Gaming is a great stress relief tool but blogging, blogging and community is so much more than that.

It’s a hobby I could no longer give up on just because of how much it and the people around it mean to me. Each comment, each hit, each random link and of course being involved in these wonderful events. Writing has become akin to wrapping my insides in a big comfy doona, a little Eripilllar and snuggling in. It is wonderful kind of happiness that let’s me get out my feelings and thoughts, and feel a part of something maybe a little bigger that really helps in times like these.

So thank you everyone, and thank you for being a part of this all.
Merry Bloggy Christmas.

19 thoughts on “Some Serious Struggles and #Bloggyxmas Best Wishes

  1. Merry Bloggy Christmas to you, too, Eri. I hope 2015 brings happiness in spades. Barring happiness, hopefully a job that you feel better about! My SO is in a similar situation job-wise as you are, and he feels stressed out enough without all the other things you’re dealing with as well. Clearly you’re not just a blogging superhero, but a superhero in so many more respects!

    • Thanks and I’m sure it will… the whole workcover thing is wrapping up soon, credit cards being paid off and soon enough we should be ok. Hubby is feeling better in himself now that it’s over too, it was a lot of stress there so a happier household all round

  2. Eri! Merry Bloggy Christmas! I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time. You’ve done so much for the blog community here, it’s only right that it can help you too sometimes. *hugs*

    I know what it’s like to go through depression and tough times.. email me or whatever if you ever want a friendly face. πŸ™‚

  3. Can’t wait for the Eripillar to become a beyootiful Erifly!

    Hang in there and keep chugging. Had a similar job situation a while back and stuck around until it was eventually too much and had to move on. Here’s hoping you can find a better work environment this coming new year!

    • beyooooootiful

      and yeh, jobs aren’t hard to find in childcare. Just wanted to get through the year as I’ve been the only constant in the room for my kiddies.

  4. It sounds like we both need a better 2015; the better half and me just declared this year a major asshole the other day. πŸ™‚ Even if it’s just symbolic, a new number helps with planning a better life. I’ve made it a habit now to say my three wishes and plans for 2015 out loud and repeat them like a mantra…1….2….3! A job is among them too, so I feel with ya – all my best wishes to you and your hubby and that you can find new strength in one another. Also, and this is an important one for us women ya rly, remember to take care of yourself too – do things just for yourself, without guilt. I know how it is to forget that.
    May 2015 bring you new joy and a very happy Xmas Eri!

    • Thanks syl and yeh, I think I do need to plan more things for me. With Peter not being very mobile and such with the injury(ies) i kind felt guilt leaving him but then I think recharging and being a bit happier and such would be a far better thing

      Merry christmas

  5. Sometimes it helps to share and it can be surprising how many understanding people will talk back. I can imagine how difficult your situation currently is. I too struggle from that ongoing, inescapable stress and it can be suffocating at times. In my case it’s just that it is so difficult to move away these days and it’s always a worry about getting your life started (made even more difficult by the fact that I have anxiety issues and I’m stuck living in a house with other people who also have depression – there’s no where to escape to.) You start to feel like everything is weighted against you and you’re losing the ability to cope. My boyfriend always tells me though, that you’re stronger than you realize and that no matter how bad things can seem, it will pass eventually. A lot of work places don’t seem to be that supportive these days – usually just about the money and not the fulfilment. It sounds like you really care about what you do though.

    I hope you have a happy holiday and a brighter new year :D.

  6. Here’s hoping 20-aught-15 provides you with more goodness. It always sucks when the latter part of the year ends up with a dull thud…but you’re doing right by yourself, your hubby and your mental health in looking at the good things and holding on to that. ❀

    Merry Bloggy Xmas!

    • I’m ok… Just writing it was rather therapeutic, and got home last night to talk with the hubby as well… He’d always very supportive but I tend to keep it to myself.

      And yeh, I know things are going to pick up, and kind if have already I just wanted to say thanks to everyone in a more personal way.

      Thanks =)

  7. Merry Christmas and I hope the New Year goes better than the old. Don’t envy you job-hunting one little bit but it sounds as though you’ve hit that point when even the devil you don’t know sounds like an improvement. Hope you find something better quickly and without too much hassle.

    • All good.. Struggle yes but not stuck within it. And job hunting isn’t too bad with childcare, there’s always jobs around its just a matter of finding the right place. I stayed here far more than I wanted for my kiddies, just to see the year out but now is definitely the time.

  8. I’m sorry 2014 has been a downer for you — make sure you look after yourself, and things will change and get better! You’ve done so much for the blog community, I’m glad it in turn can do a small thing for you. *hugs* Try to relax and do something fun over the holidays and drink a lot of champagne. πŸ™‚

    • There will be plenty of wine yes but I’m more just looking forward to the long break. Need that time to recharge me thinks.

      And yeh all good and I’m sure things will turn around too, and have in part. Work cover nonsense is finishing up and we are getting a small payment out of it.. Enough to knock off the credit card debt which will help a lot. Ugggghh it’s always money right.. Why can’t blogging pay da big bucks too lol

    • thanks for the kind words, and no worries you have all done so much for me already =p

      Oh and I found this in the spam folder haha so sorry bout that

  9. I think most adults can empathize with you (I know I can!) and I also understand and agree that writing can be great therapy. Reading the responses here solidifies why I love this little global community in Blognation. =) I just wanted to send some virtual hugs and wish you the best this holiday season – thank you for writing, I do enjoy my visits here =)

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